Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
