dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I didn't notice because vodka
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize