My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the day after is always just damage control
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
