I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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