I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
