Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
