8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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