Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
