You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
