yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
