I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
