I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
