Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
