I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
