Are we in a gay sports bar?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
