More tranny stories later!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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