so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
