Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
