you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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