listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We named our party play list daddy issues
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize