I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
