saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
