There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
