Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
