So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
