you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
