i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
