Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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