I don't usually arrange sex via text message
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize