oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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