It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I understand Curling. That high.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
