Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
