I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
