On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
