C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
