eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
