I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
