Moan for me like Helen Keller
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
