When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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