i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
