No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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