Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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