At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
