watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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