wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
