He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize