Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
