Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
