Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
