i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
