i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
