she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
