Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
