i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
