i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
