While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
