My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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