I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
