This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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