Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize