someone threw a dead crab at me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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