I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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