So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize