If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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