good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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