Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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