is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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