Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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