please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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