you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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