I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
