the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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