if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
