i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
