WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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