I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
