so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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