her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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