3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize