She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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