I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
