If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
