I hate all girls vehemently.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
