would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
