i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
