There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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