Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
