the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
