Already got asked if we're dating
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
