She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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