i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
