The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
