is your mom at the bar?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
