oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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