return my video game
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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