clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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