how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
