$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
