but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
