Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
