honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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