conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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