The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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