I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize