Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
