Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
