why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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