your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
