I got chris browned last night
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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