I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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