He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
