Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize