They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
