So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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