I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
