Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
