If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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