Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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