Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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